Jim-jae-bang

So, a jimjaebang means something-something-room, and what it is is a public bath. A VERY public bath. VERY public. What first startled me was exactly how public. Sure, there's your run of the mill sorts, like the 20 through middle aged crowd, and the middle aged plus that shouldn't leave the house to get naked anywhere else EVER. But then you also have the little kids. Now that kinda creeped me out. Its one thing for a kid to decide *ITS NAKED TIIIIIMMMEEEEE!!* and run through the sprinklers, his mom chasing him with a towel and whatnot. But its another when *ITS NAKED TIIIIIMMMEEEEEE!!!*...and tag is still socially acceptable. This kid came around the corner at mach 5 and almost ran into me. Thank God I was wearing pants. Not just for my sake either. I'm sure there's nothing more traumatizing than for a seven year old to touch the forbidden stick of a big scary foreigner. With his face. WHY ISN'T ANYONE CHASING YOU WITH A TOWEL??!! As if the kids here aren't messed up enough. My kindergartners used to try and check my oil. for those of you who were never on the wrestling team in high school, there's only one part of the body where you can insert a probe and come back with a thick brown substance you don't want on your nice white shirt. Yea. Five year olds. I ended that QUICK!!

So, anyways, I find my locker and proceed to strip. Now, its kinda funny, but it also makes you kinda self conscious at the same time. Because, well because I already get stared at like I'm always walking around naked. And now, I actually will be walking around naked!! Boy, am I going to give them something to stare at!! Its times like this that you check to see if you've kept up on your lawn and gardening. CHECK!

Oh, and a word about Koreans. You know how most of us guys have hair in the general vicinity of, oh I don't know, EVERYWHERE ON OUR BODIES? Yea. Korean males seem to have herded all that hair to a small area called the pubic region. I swear, I swear, I shit you not...its like every Korean male has Don King in a leglock. In fact, because they're so damn white, and so damn hairless, it looks like Casper the Friendly Ghost has Don King in a leglock. You know that stereotype that Asian men are...well...vertically challenged when set horizontal...it just might be an optical illusion. Oh, and ladies, don't ask me about any of that. NOT ONLY am I one to NOT look, but I had my glasses off the whole time. Which is why this experience was so horrifying. You ever pull your eyes back and pretend to be Asian and the world gets all fuzzy? Well, in spite of everything being blurry, I could still tell that there was a giant forest of pubes against a pale pasty background. There are days when being legally blind without your glasses is actually a blessing. Oh, and this is all happening within the first five or so minutes of me being there.

So I'm finally naked myself. I shut my locker, wander past the crouched leathery prunes, dodge a dude who's bent full over wearing nothing at all, and hit the sauna. There's a few pools there, including one that looks like its full of whatever the spider that bit peter parker was drinking. Apparently this pool didn't dole out superpowers, because all the Koreans in the room were still pasty, hairless and unusually effeminate. And as my luck would have it, they all had the femininity of a thirteen year old girl. But either way, I hop into the pool next to the toxic green.

After a while, some Korean jumps into the green one next to me. He's in there, standing, fingertips in the water, arms kinda out to his sides, kinda like he's trying to...like he's trying to look bigger. Almost like he'd just finished working out, and he was still really pumped. So, he kinda stands there...and looks around...like he's...like he's surveying the area for any potential threats to his domain...of the green pool. Then he starts circling the green pool. Slowly at first. All the way around. And he's got this...sway...in his walk. And he starts circling faster. And the circles get smaller. And faster. And smaller. And faster. And he sways more and more. And every time he turns, he whips his head around to look back in my direction. And they start circling in my direction. And all I can do is not burst out laughing!!! Because with every circle, his jaw juts out more, and his forehead gets bigger, and his arms get longer, and his eyes become more sunken!!! In my head he's grunting!! I know he's not really, but in my head he is!! I feel like I'm on some Discovery channel special about primate displays of dominance! THEN HE STARTS SPLASHING WATER IN MY DIRECTION!!! I'm thinking like, Holy fuck!!???!! Is the Alpha Korean going to charge!!? (aaaaahhhhahahah!!)

So he finally sits down, and I get up and get out of there, because its just too much for me. I'm not going to be able to sit there much longer without bursting out laughing. I get up and hit the dry sauna. Apparently the big thing in dry saunas is turning yourself into jerky, because you sit in this 150 degree room for hours and rub salt on yourself. I tried it for half an hour. I'm sure I was still a little rare but I bet I would have tasted pretty good. After that I had the glorious idea of jumping under the shower that magically came from the roof. All you had to do was push the red button that looked like a fire alarm. Needless to say part of the reason I stayed in the sauna for so long was to make sure that I didn't go out there and cause an evacuation. Nobody freaked out when I hit the red button. Nobody but me that is. See, Koreans have this fascination with scorching hot...and freezing cold. Nothing in between. NOTHING. I almost blacked out from the shock of it all. I learned that the key was to not put your head under it. Apparently the brain does not handle spontaneous drastic changes in temperature as much as other parts do.

So, after that, I hit a few more pools, showered off, and bounced. All in all it was an experience, and not a bad one at that. I think I'll check another one out soon.

Still alive...

As my most recent pics have surely proven. Here I am, and its kinda a big deal. In recent news, I'm slated to do some Standup at the local bar at the next open mic in just over two weeks (ohfuckohshitohfuckohshit). Also, I'm down to around 96 kilos thanks to a steady diet of rice, kimchi, and little else. I eat quite well I must say, thanks to the two meals a day at work. Also, I've been hiking almost every morning since Sunday. Its awesome. Just me, nature, a few steep inclines, and my podcasts. Its a little addictive. And the best part? It feels enough like exercise without feeling too much like exercise. Good times.

Work so far is good. I'm feeling a bit less motivated compared to before, which is bad considering its the new semester. NOW is the time to get CRAZY on EVERYTHING. Need to dig deep and push myself! OK, goal for the weekend: Finish all of DA flashcards for this AND the next unit on Saturday, work out lesson plan skeletons for JB Writing on Sunday. Its doable. The good thing about this semester is that I feel like I started things out a lot better than I did the first time around (not a hard thing to do), and can actually manage a class quite well. I just hope to not fall back into any old habits. Note to self, must identify old bad habits and find replacements.

As far as all else goes, I'm doing quite well. I'm finally settled in for the most part. I've done the major E Mart run (I tried to explain K Mart by saying it was like E Mart, and they asked if the K stood for Korea), I've got drinking buddies, I've got some people I think of as actual friends, and I've even - as of last night - eaten dog. I think that's the entire checklist, or at least the entire checklist for everything I can do in Gumi. I'm pretty well established, and am working my way back into my old social butterfly ways. Its actually really fun. The only thing we need now is a salsa scene. Like a legit one. Or even an illegitamate one. Currently we have an almost nonexistent excuse for one. One guy, one studio, less than 20 people every Friday. Guess its up to me to fix it...

So that's the most I have for this update. I'll post a few more soon about my random trips and travels!